Jokes

Little Johnny comes home from school and tells his father: Dad, today I got 4 F’s at school. Dad gets frustrated: Why, what have you done, what subjects? Little Johnny: English, Maths, and PE. Dad: OK, how did you get an F in English class? Little Johnny: Teacher said: Mary loves John. Mary loves Allan. Mary loves Mark. And asked me: What is Mary in these sentences. Dad: Mary is a f*cking wh0re. Little Johnny: That is what I said, so I got an F. Dad: Wow, and what about Maths? Little Johnny: Teacher asked me what is 3+2. I...

A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office feeling frustrated and sits down heavily. Intrigued, the Mother Superior asks her about her troubling day. As it turns out, the nun had spent the day playing golf with her brother, a hobby they both enjoyed before she became devoted to her religious life. Eager to relax, she had high hopes for a peaceful day. However, things didn’t go as planned. On the fifth tee, she hit an incredible shot – the best of her life. To her dismay, the ball struck a bird in mid-flight. Before she could comprehend what had...

A little old lady went to the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because “It’s a lot of money!” After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000” and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked...

Some stories just go straight to your heart and in a world that can in turn seem grim, serious or boring, a funny anecdote is always welcome. Perhaps you’ve read this before, but if not it should give you a chuckle. And if you have, I’m sure it’ll make you laugh again. It has all the ingredients of an entertaining story — drama, revenge and an unexpected ending… It starts with a letter from a husband asking his wife for a divorce. But it’s his wife’s brilliant reply that gets all the laughs. Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter...

A wife finds a note from her husband on the fridge one morning.. You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongfully interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 19 year old secretary at the comfort inn hotel. Please don’t be upset – I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home late that night, he found...

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband’s temper. The Doctor asks: “What’s the problem?” The woman says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me.” The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.” Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor...

After 15 years of marriage the wife asked her husband to describe her. The husband looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said, “ABCDEFGHIJK.” “What does that mean?” She asked. “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot!!!” he replied. Wife Smiling asked: “So sweet of you honey. What about IJK?” He replied, “I’m Just Kidding!

A hilarious joke is going viral this week that is sure to bring a smile to your face! An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand while he pulls a male buffalo. As soon as he got inside, the Indian said to the waiter, “Want coffee.” “Sure, Chief. Coming right up,” the waiter replied, soon returning with a large mug of coffee. After drinking down the coffee in one gulp, the Indian turned and shot the buffalo with his shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter all over the place as he walked out of...

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, “I’ll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you’re doing.” At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well. Just before the helicopter reached 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground. The instructor ran to where she crash-landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. “What went wrong?” The blonde said: “At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off.”

A kid sets up a lemonade stand in front of his house, with a sign that says, “All you can drink for a dime.” Before too long, a man happens by, sees the sign, and thinks it’s a good deal. He gives the kid a dime and the kid hands him a cup. The man tosses it back and says, “Hey, that was pretty good. I’ll have another.” The kid says, “That’ll be another dime.” “Now wait a minute,” says the man, “your sign says ‘all I can drink for a dime.’” “But you just had a cup, didn’t you?”...