Jokes

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. . While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s3x, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates...

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, “A bush. The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he’s in the shower. He asks: “What is that big long thing hanging between your legs? ”His father replies, “It is a snake.” A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, “What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?” She replies, “Headlights.”A couple weeks go by and the little boy...

Jane married Ted and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer. She remarried again, and she and Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later Jane again remarried, and this time she and John had 5 more children. Jane finally died after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, ‘They’re finally together.’ Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend Margaret, ‘Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?’ Margaret...

The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her distinct lack of underwear. Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies?” Ole demanded. “Well,” she said. “You don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any. ”The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear!” Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that...

Sometimes, misunderstandings can lead to the funniest moments! Here’s a hilarious story that shows how quick thinking and a little bit of irony can save the day. Check it out: An elderly woman had just come back home after an evening at Church when she was startled by a burglar. She caught him red-handed, trying to make off with her valuables, and shouted, “Stop! Acts 2:38!” “Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.” The burglar froze in place. Calmly, the woman called the police and told them what had happened....

A couple is having a nice dinner at a local restaurant, having a good time telling blonde jokes. Suddenly a blonde approached them and slapped her hand down on the table. She angrily tells them that she can take a blonde joke as well as the next person, but it isn’t nice to keep bashing them in public. The couple apologize and changes the topic. A few minutes later the woman needs to go to the restroom, so she goes off, and she is followed by the blonde. After 10 minutes the blonde comes out frusturated, and storms out the...

When a man boards a plane with six kids in tow, the curious woman across the aisle couldn’t resist asking a question. His unexpected response? Pure comedy gold. Curious to hear the punchline? Read the full joke below for a good laugh. 😂👇 A man boards a plane with six children.After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks: “Are all of those children yours?” He replies: “No. I work for a c0nd0m company. These are customer complaints.”

In this humorous short story, three elderly men visit the doctor for a memory test. Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for an intelligence test. The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” he replies. The doctor asks the second man, “What is three times three?” “Tuesday,” replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three?” “Nine,” says the third man. “That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?” “Simple,” says the third man. “I subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up and said: “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!” Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?” Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her: “Boy, is she going to get in...

A man asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday. “I’d like to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he woke her up early and they went to a local amusement park. What a day! He took her on every ride in the park: Death Slide, Scream Loop, Wall of Horror, everything! Wow! Five hours later, dizzy and sick to his stomach, he staggered out of the amusement park. They went straight to McDonald’s and her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then they went...